| The winter holidays are a time for celebration and relaxation with our families and friends, close and not-so-close. Sometimes during all of the eggnog, presents, and extended periods of quality-time, people want to discuss the That-Which-Must-Not-Be-Discussed: Sex, Politics, Religion, Philosophy, War, Art. These discussions often tend to get dicey. People get misunderstood, offended, snarky, angry, and even violent. So, people tend to shy away from these discussions altogether, which is a shame because they're actually really important. They matter more than all the sports, gossip, and reality TV chit-chat that we fill our time with. Not talking about big ideas is probably proof that we're not thinking about them either, even though we desperately have to in order to make sense of and change our surroundings. We need nutritious thoughts and conversations - ones to learn from. Here are 14 rules from 14 incredible discussers that will help your discussions be much more prosperous and much less dicey {I'm speaking from experience}: * 1. Be Brave: Discuss That-Which- -Must-Not-Be-Discussed. "Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself." - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets * * 2. Inside Voices Are Louder Than Screams. "Philosophy is good advice, and no one gives good advice at the top of his lungs." - Seneca, Letters From a Stoic * * * 3. Shouted Falsities Are As False As Whispered Ones. "Saying it louder and relentlessly is not going to make it true." - Sam Harris, Nightline Debate * * * * 4. See The Forest, Not Just The Tree. “We have established what you are—we are simply haggling about the price.” - Winston Churchill * * * * * 5. Listening Is Different Than Waiting To Speak. "You look too fast!" - Vincent Van Gogh, Lust for Life (1952) * * * * * * 6. Be Open To The Fact That You Could Be Wrong. "If anyone can prove me wrong and show me my mistake in any thought or action, I shall gladly change. I seek the truth, which never harmed anyone: the harm is to persist in one’s own self-deception and ignorance." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations * * * * * * * 7. Don't Make It Personal. Make It Universal. Metaphors talk about ideas, not people. Like this one: "An Astronomer used to go out at night to observe the stars. One evening, as he wandered through the suburbs with his whole attention fixed on the sky, he fell accidentally into a deep well. While he lamented and bewailed his sores and bruises, and cried loudly for help, a neighbor ran to the well, and learning what had happened said: “Hark ye, old fellow, why, in striving to pry into what is in heaven, do you not manage to see what is on earth?" - Aesop, Fables * * * * * * * * 8. You Can't Really Convince Someone With One Discussion. “Gradatim Ferociter" "Step by Step, Ferociously." – Jeff Bezos, Founder of Amazon.com * * * * * * * * * 9. Ask Yourself What is Motivating You To Discuss. "I trust this finds you in pursuit of wisdom." - Seneca, Letters from a Stoic * * * * * * * * * * 10. Don't Be A Disciple of A Political Party. "Leonardo da Vinci, Disciple of Experience" - Leonardo da Vinci's signature * * * * * * * * * * * 11. Have The Courage To Chew On Foreign Ideas. "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle * * * * * * * * * * * * 12. Leave Alone Those Who Want to 'Win'. "If you speak the truth have a foot in the stirrup." - Turkish Proverb {Probably from a Great Discusser} * * * * * * * * * * * * * 13. If Angered, Explore Why. "Never get mad at a man for stating the truth." - Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 14. Sarcasm Signals That You're Not Interested in The Truth. "We grow tired of everything but turning others into ridicule, and congratulating ourselves on their defects." – William Hazlitt, On the Pleasure of Hating |
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